1: i dont know what it means to not want to go to sleep any more. for two years i didn't want to go to sleep. i feel like i was more emotional during those two years and this past year i havent been as emotional. i hung out with corinne and she talked about how nothing of great consequence happened to her this year and that that made her sad and she hopes the summer and next year is better. i thought about what she said and thought, things of consequence have happened to me this year. but at the same time i felt like a small loose thread in the wake of a really big blanket. i felt like a part of something this year but at the same time i felt very detached from a lot of people and things, especially for the last few months. different from last year where the person i was most detached from was me. welcome back to yourself
i get a lot of courage from other people with courage. "wondering how you are"
thinking about what might happen is tricky business. on the one hand your mind might wrap and wrap in prickly rawness like twine tight about a skinned finger but on the other, wondering can be a really good time. being surprised is a good time. i remember hating surprises. when people display caring or affection or kindness to me, especially people i wouldnt expect it from or from someone i havent spoken to in a long time, it's almost a guaruntee that i'll start crying. i remember too much. six times in the last sixteen days
"it'll be spring soon"
2: cherries.
3:
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