memories

Almost 9 hours of lord of the rings. that was a gray and white day almost 2 years ago at the beach. that same week, maddy and i would wake up in the mornings at 7 or 8 and sit in wooden chairs facing each other and knee socks. our feet up. eating corn flakes from whole foods - or was it trader joe’s? we realized one night, drinking earl grey, that we are ever so distantly related. i borrowed some shoes of hers to go to a farmer’s market in on that rainy day. it was the only rain the whole time we were there. one night i sat on her bed and she towel dried my hair for me. eventually she was too tired (maddy gets tired easily) and we turned out the lights and i finished the job myself. (i’m reminded of the similar wooden chairs in matt’s kitchen. we always made black tea with tons of sugar and honey every time we hung out. all summer, sweet hot black tea.) another time, probably one of the first times i went to maddy’s sweet little gray house, in the morning, she was still in bed (another rainy day) and she invited me in with her, and the warmth that met me is a sensation i will never forget. maddy’s bed situation is different now, but at the time it was 2 twin mattresses on the floor. maddy lives in one of those houses that looks, on the outside, too tiny to fit more than a couple of rooms in. then you go inside and the ceilings upstairs reach the sky. a more immediate understanding of the word “ceiling” if you catch my drift. her bed was below some windows - i forget if they face her steep backyard. did i sleep that night at all? anyway, i got into bed with maddy that morning. she looked so happy. it was before we were really good friends like we are now. i’ll tell you what maddy’s house (and maddy, for that matter) smells like. it smells like your grandmother. rose soap. hot water. moths? it has a comforting smell. it smells like my grandmother, anyway. another time we walked almost 2 hours so she could fill her bike tires up and by that time we were too tired anyway and we ended up getting strong hot black tea (what else?). yet another gray day that was. maddy what is it with you and gray days jesus

i remember inviting noam over at 8 or 9 pm that one night. but i forget when it was, i think a little bit into fall, but not winter. october? i remember inviting him over but i think i hadn't seen him for a long time. i can't remember our precursor to that night. i think it was after a long absence because he said a few times how different i looked. he looked different too. he kept playing with my feet. it was really comforting, especially since i wasn't wearing socks, but with socks on it would have still felt nice, of course. i love when people touch my feet. i love being touched in general, but feet especially, because i'd say on average people don't get their feet touched very often, at least not by old friends or just people dear to them. noam's hands are always smooth, every guy i know has perpetually smooth warm hands. is that a guy thing?

lord i miss